every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
