I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Hippo gnu deer
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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