Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
