he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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