i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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