it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
