I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
