So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
