I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
