the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
