new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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