another moral hangover. fuck.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
