you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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