im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
God gave him joint rollers for hands
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
