He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
