If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
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