she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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