a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
