You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
