Sry I called you an 8
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
