i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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