I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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