i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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