The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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