Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Randomize
