She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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