also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
