I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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