I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
