do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
