Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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