you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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