shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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