so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Be still, my beating vagina.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
