I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
