Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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