If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
