you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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