I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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