I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
