My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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