I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
