I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
