Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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