the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
it wasn't lemon gatorade
we made out on top of his cat.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
