sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
