Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
