The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
