as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
