I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
there was a trapeze. enough said
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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